It's been four months since NC with the mother. I haven't missed her a bit.
I've been continuing with meditation and trying to heal myself. I've been immersing in things I enjoy, especially genealogy. My latest kick is DNA genealogy, and in the spirit, I did a DNA test to try to track down some family history. I then uploaded my raw data to a website that scans it and lets you know if there are any red flags. Turns out that, genetically, anyway, I have two mutations that are known to cause hemochromatosis, an excess of iron buildup in the body. I'm waiting for the blood tests to come back to see if I am affected, and now the burden is on me to contact all my aunts & uncles to let them know they may have this genetic thing. Oh, yeah, I've got to tell my mother, too.
So, I'm sticking with a looser version of the form letter I found on the CDC website to inform family members. They're getting a letter. I greatly fear that when mother gets her letter, she will take it as an invitation to start up again. So, I'm panicky and keep putting off sending the letters.
It's a test. I made it four months and now I'm being forced to approach the gates and whistle to see if the dogs come a-runnin'. I'm arming myself with pepper spray and a fight-or-flight prep, and I don't want to have to do this. Ssshhhhhhhhit.
